YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
