Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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