So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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