FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
