Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
