Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I fill condoms, not promises.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
