we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
