You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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