I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
