the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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