Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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