I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
