I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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