Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ok first of all what the fuck
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
