Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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