I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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