Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
