Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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