k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
