I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
