smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
