Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
