Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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