There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You pole danced in your parka.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
is it fun? or sober?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
