Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
