Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
