He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
