you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
