Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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