did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
