hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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