Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
