So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize