They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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