take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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