Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
