dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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