Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
