You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
