My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
