I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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