so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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