david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
