my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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