barbara walters just said penis...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
