AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
