i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
