But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
