I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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