I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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