But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
