Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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