I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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