Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
