I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
