look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
