Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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