Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
