After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize