you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
