your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize