I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
