I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Less talking, more tequila
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
