i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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