My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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