yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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