she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
