and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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