Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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