fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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