I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
