dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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