Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
