If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think your dad took our porno
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
