I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
